Blame me

Don't you just hate it when you find out the truth??
I guess a lot of people do.
I absolutely wish the truth would die.

I wish I would die too...
But we never get what we want.
Or who we want.

I want him. I miss him. I fucked up. The realization just hit me. He'll never be mine. It's over and done with. Just friends?? It is just that? I can't live with it. I want more!!

I know this sounds like a poem or something but it's not. I'm just expressing everything in a poetic form.

Why?! Just tell me why?! Why do we as human beings fuck up so badly that it can't be repaired? Why do we ruin perfection?? That's all I've ever wanted and I screw it up. Are we not meant to be happy? It's sick! All of it!!

I want my Evy!!!!!! I'm sorry. I don't mean to be complaining about this to all of you. It's not like you know who I am talking about. But I just need some way of letting this all out. And since it just hit me I thought of just writing it. It's better than nothing. Right?? I hope so. Coz' if this doesn't help a little bit.... I'm going to die!! I'm terrible. Horrible!! Why was I given so many chances, it should've ended right at the beginning, I never wanted to be so attached!! NEVER!! But I am.

I don't want to love him. I don't want to need him, I don't know what to do. I've now become vulnerable!! I've never wanted this. But it's what I got. I just had to fall in love. It figures that I would. This wasn't supposed to happen for a while. It wasn't even supposed to happen. I wanted forever. I know I'm not supposed to be emotionally mature but I am! Of course right now isn't proof of it. But still!

I grew up too quick. I've always wanted to enjoy every moment of childhood. But I didn't get that either. Instead I got these two people who are supposed to serve as my parents.
But I don't have anyone to turn to. Just myself. I can try to fool myself but it's no use.

I want someone to talk to. I want to talk to him. I want it like old times. I hate this.... Here I am dwelling in the past. Wanting things that will never be again. But whatev. I've given up. I'm going to complain. I won't get me anywhere. Hell!! This probably won't even be read. No one cares really. So it's cool I guess.



-Whatev.