Most recently. . . .

I am finally over Evy. I know I have said this a thousand times before but I really do think I am over him. He was a sweet guy but we weren't mean to be.... We fought all of the time. We both cheated on each other numerous times, always with the option to say "no." Of course we had an honest relationship with each other but it did us no good. We would be honest then lie to each other. It was always one way or another. It was never consistent.
Then, of course, we would have our fights. The most pointless things ever, then we wouldn't talk at all for about a month or so. Waste of my time, my tears, everything.

True that I will always love him, that is, if I did love him. When he wasn't being mean he was always there for me. To be the shoulder to lean on. He was my best-friend.


But that was just an update about me and Evy since I was always ranting about him or whatnot.

[original end]

I am still miserable.

...I received the mirror I had made for him on Wednesday. I thought I was going to be able to handle the thoughts that would be going on in my head. So I opened the package that he never opened.... And saw the mirror with it's intricacies that I had designed on it. I just stared at it for a few minutes. Just staring blankly. Than at last I say "I hate you." I then broke the mirror, hurting myself in the process. So there was the mirror, shattered on the floor. I decided to see what a mirror would look like if I crushed it with my heels; apparently, very cool. So I crushed some of it underneath my heel and got very angry towards Evy. . . .

When I was done I decided to pick up the mess so no one would cut themselves. But when I was throwing away the pieces I just broke down. I couldn't stop crying. I cried for the longest time ever, I don't think I have ever cried that much. I suppose it is because I have finally come to the honest reality that I pushed Evy out of my life, and he is never coming back.

He was and is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I trusted him with my heart and soul but he betrayed that trust and I let him take advantage of it. I had many chances to be truly happy with someone else, but because of him I was always "distant." I caused me to lose some of my friends; some I cared for enormously. Being with Evy was stressful, very emotional, I would break down. My self esteem was dismal. I rejected happiness just to be miserable with him.

But now, that is over.

And I have learned that life still moves on, no matter what.
Things will always get better or worse. At first I thought that only things could get worse. But I have met some people who have changed my view. They have showed me that all of the pain is worth it. I mean some of them have waited for true bliss for a very long time but haven't given up.

I wish to be like that.